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| picture source: http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/2-years-together-you-and-me-let-s-do-more/ |
2 years off steroids! Still healing well!
Wow, 2 years (24 months!!!) off steroids!!! I am still alive after all that has happened. I actually survived! Let’s review what kind of stuff happened in these two years for me. Since July 2013 when I first quit steroids, the highlights were I had to look after a 8 month old and 2 year old, I did 2 water-only fasts (26 days & 10 days), I had 4 eye surgeries performed (2 cataracts, 1 retinal detachment and 1 laser), I had a severe impetigo infection, I made dietary changes, I went through several detoxes, and I finally finish writing my master thesis (I got graded an ‘A-’ btw
though I lost honours due to extension times 
). In between these highlights, from the days of crawling around the house to get stuff done, crying on the kitchen floor feeling like a failure, lying in bed in pain by just breathing, scratching all night long, slapping my face to relieve itch, shaking with pain in the showers, oozing all over my bed, vacuuming dead skin every 4 hours, changing bed sheets every day, picking up boys from day-care in a raw weeping face, trying to fall asleep and stay asleep for longer than 2 hours in a day, shivering in the room with a heater on, having blurry vision, feeling anxious, depressed, angry, and I-will-lose-my-shit-any-minute and I-will-kill-someone-NOW-or-maybe-myself, feeling like I was dying...
To... two years later...
Feeling good coming out of a hot shower every day, changing my bed sheets whenever I want to, scratching itchy skin briefly vs a scratch feast, feeling good to be in bed and not scared that I need to scratch all night and deal with insomnia again, feeling accomplished cooking meals for family in the kitchen, sleeping for more than 6 hours a night, no shivering, no heaters or electric blankets (even in winter!), no more painful itchy skin after being in water, feeling healthier with dietary changes, having clearer vision, being more clear minded and feeling in control of my emotions and more alive everyday.
I cannot thank enough for the people who appeared and didn’t appear in the last two years of my life. Without the things that worked and didn’t work, the people who were here and who were not here with me, I wouldn’t be the ‘never-been-this-strong’ ahfaye I am today. Especially my family – parents, sisters, cousins, in-laws who passed me all that family love to strive on, I would not have lasted without you all. I am forever grateful to have such a wonderful husband who stood beside me all the way and dealt with a crazy sick bitch (I think he was more traumatised at times than myself going thru TSW lol sorry babes). I would have killed myself if I didn’t have my boys who needed a mother. I am forever grateful that my boys only saw a mother through their eyes and not a scary monster-looking witch and not love me anymore (I always felt like I looked like Smeagol in the Lord of the Rings movie – actually my photos looked more scarier than Smeagol lol).
Now my boys are 2½ and 4 years old. I still have a wrinkly face and hands.I wouldn’t say I’m completely healed but I am living a rather normal life now – if I want it to be
I’ve come to realise a lot is to do with my perspectives in my own mind. Of cos there are still bad days for me. It’s not all bliss every day. Some days I am still that crazy sick bitch. But most days I am a person you’d like to hang around
At one time, I was adamant I’d be healed at the friggin 2 year mark! Because Julianna healed on month 22!!! (sorry hun, you must get so much pressure from us comparing!! I promise to stop now
). For so long I thought after this water fast I’d be fucken done! After this colonic I’m done with this shit! After I switch to a Paleo-diet I’d be fine... Nah, my perspectives have changed. I knew healing was non-linear but somehow I never came to peace with this fact in reality until the last few months. Healing happens in layers, like peeling an onion. If we feel we are done with healing, we are actually resisting it. It’s the Law of Attraction. When we have come to peace with healing and accept the fact that it is non-linear, we take on whatever, then healing will happen, we will no longer be in the same place, we will shift naturally. It’s not ‘this and that’ that I do that will heal me, but it’s allllllll of what I have done in the past 2 years that has gotten me to this healing point. I had to let go of this thinking. Whatever we resist will continue to persist. And it’s people who let go of these resistant thinking, they move on and leave that stagnant phase. I’ve decided to let go and just let it be and leave the stagnant phase. There are still issues to work on for me. But I am getting there, although healing is not linear, it is surely a reachable goal. We all deserve to be the best of ourselves in great health and vitality. We are what we eat, drink, breathe, put on our skin, think and feel. So I decided to choose wisely in this aspect now, I have gone back to vegan diet and hopefully I can do more raw vegan and fruitarian meals. The Paleo diet worked initially for me as sugars, bad carbs, dairy etc was cut out of my diet, but a diet high in protein, especially meat, is very hard for the kidneys. If our kidneys ain’t filtering, guess where it goes? Our skin. The skin is the largest elimination organ and our “third kidney”. [post on this coming up]
It has been an amazing healing and learning journey for me. Without knowing the black, I would not understand white. I’m starting to really enjoy it now and take whatever that comes. Pictures say a thousand words. So let’s review my beautiful healing transformation
(was gonna say ugly pictures, but let’s just keep it positive ).My lunch
Trying to keep it up and feed my body well. I must love my body to heal. 
What I currently look like:
:
enjoying some Vit D!
BEFORE AND AFTER COMPARISONS:
Sorry about the bad lighting in some photos!
HANDS:
CHEST, SHOULDERS ARMS (Month 20 had an impetigo infection):
LEGS (Month 20 impetigo infection with NO antibiotics and just clofibrate ointment and colonics, the infection died down pretty fast, to my surprise):
My sexy legs are back baby!
BACK OF NECK (symptoms went away ages ago like at 1 year mark but didn’t take much photos of back of neck sorry):
HAIR: I think I have too much hair now….
haha. My eyebrows are still taking their time tho…
Hair line all grown back! I don’t look like I have cancer anymore
FACE:
Months 1 – 12 in TSW. (Month 1 after 26 day water fast, Month 6 after cataract surgery, too busy in Month 11 finishing off thesis so no photos)
Months 13 – 24 in TSW. Sorry didn’t take proper skin photos in May and June. (Month 16 after retinal detachment eye surgery, Month 19 after 10-day water fast, Month 20-21 after impetigo infection and colonic detoxes)
I think that’s enough of me
As always keep faith and keep striving warriors and carers! Happy healing!
Take care everyone
xxx
ahfaye
Hello Ahfaye,
ReplyDeleteyou're such a warrior and such a model! You are simply amazing. I can't believe you went through so much and I'm so happy you feel much better now. I hope you'll be healed soon. Hugs from France. Valentine (25 month steroid free here too and you've been the greatest example for me all along)
@Valentine Thank you so much Valentine. Yeah it has been a hell of a journey in TSW. I hope yours wasn't as dramatic as mine haha. Congrats on being 25 months steroid free too! Much love to you~ xxx ahfaye
ReplyDeleteYou are a living legend! Glad to see you are seeing improvements and you got your sexy legs back! Lol. Thanks for updating and hope that you continue to improve every day. X
ReplyDelete@louise jones Thank you Louise! Yes I can't wait till summer to show off my legs again hahaha. Thanks for dropping by and great to see u healing well too xxx
ReplyDeleteHi Ahfaye, It is wonderful to see your healing. The photos are a fantastic record of recovery. I wrote a post to you a while ago, not sure if you remember. I am in Taranaki and was wondering if I might be able to e-mail you my story and photos. I would like to take our evidence of steroid withdrawal to the dermatological society and wherever else we can. My e-mail is ritetolisa@yahoo.co.nz. I am going to post on ITSAN and see how many other New Zealanders might be keen to join me. I am so happy to see how good you are looking and that you are getting your life back.
ReplyDelete@lisa wills thank you so much Lisa, yes I remember you :) oh that's great to know! Thank you for your efforts. You can email me at email.ahfaye @ gmail.com. I know a fellow kiwi TSW warrior has been in contact with some societies and planning to present a few NZ cases to the NZ Dermatological Society and the NZ Royal Society of General Practitioners too, maybe we can make up a team. I'll email u :)
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE AMAZING! You've been through so much! My husband and I are so happy for your healing!
ReplyDeleteSending you positive healing thoughts!
@Cat StephensThank you so much Cat! I'm glad to see you have cleared up well with your new treatment too! xxx
ReplyDeleteMissed ya AH Faye! I thought you didn't write for a while. Now I realised, I must have missed notifications of your new blog posts many a times!
ReplyDeleteAny way, I am hardly breathing myself. I am so glad to see such good pictures of yourself to spur me on.....
You mentioned that it was because your sons needed you that spur you on the road to recovery. Interestingly, for me, its the opposite. It seems to me that while I am on TSW, my son is well taken care of without me. And he doesn't miss me or seem to need me. To be fair, he is only 18 months old.
How do I know if my son really will love me for me? I think I am not thinking sensibly, rather more like a deranged idiotic childish person.
Anyway, will keep looking at you for strength!
Keep inspiring hey.
@SueAnne Hey hun nice to hear from u!!! Oh hun i'm sure ur boy misses u he's just too young to express it. it's good he is well taken care of so u can focus on ur healing tho. Sometimes mums stress themselves way too much, I always use the example of a emergency plane crash to my friends, if you're travelling with ur child in a plane and unfortunately there is an emergency, the adult needs to put on the safety jacket and oxygen mask on first before they attend to the child right? It's just like one needs to know how to swim to save a drowning person. So just take things easy and do what you can for now hun. Haha no u're not going mental, steroids really f-up our adrenal glands and thyroids and these control our emotions. In TSW aside from the physical detox, we also go through a emotional detox too as our glands and organs need to regulate itself. Thanks hun, u hang in there and find the light to that tunnel, it's just around the corner xxx
ReplyDeleteYou are strong and beautiful!!! Thankyou for taking the time to post this. Have you ever tried Bio Oil for your skin healing as well? And it helps wrinkles too, not that I'm saying you need it, but I just wanted to say I've been using it and I find its helped me.
ReplyDeleteWarm Regards.