Nearly hitting 15 weeks of topical steroid withdrawal (TSW). It’s been a bit of a emotional roller coaster ride for me lately. Ups and downs with my “eczema”. You see from the photos below. I’ve just been too depressed to blog really. I try to keep my blog posts positive so when I'm not blogging I'm at a low point in my TSW journey.

Anyways, a bit of an update of my hell TSW journey…




As I thought things were gonna get better…. redness adn ooze starts non-stop from one of these days….



Started to flare more around chest but neck is actually getting a lil better compared to before



A day where a wanted to kill myself with the amount of ooze i had all night………


Things started to dried up a bit and crust and i couldn’t help but pick some of the crust hence my raw skin popping up


13 Oct – DAY 89
Just want to sleep all day stay in bed all day n do nothing. I'm even lazy to go out to eat n drink. I just cbf anymore. But I can't. I gotta wake up every morning around 630 to look after my boys. This whole TSW is really interfering with my daily life. I'm struggling so hard to stay positive but I'm just fucken depressed and want to stay in my depression n do jack all. But I can't. I guess in a way it's good. My boys do keep me motivated in some way when I see them so adorable. But when I really need rest n I can't get it. I just lose my cool. I'm lethargic all the time. I'm sweating at night n get itchy and soaked. My face is just constantly weeping, crusting, flaking then weeping all over again. I just get so angry at myself. Wtf did I put those nasty steroids on my face?!!!! I didn't respect my body and now this is the payoff. Husband is getting fed up looking after boys. I just feel like moving to mums with the boys so he can just have his life back. I really want to just leave this house but I can't. I just want to disappear from his world now so he can get relief.

Tried very hard not to pick so raw skin is healing


 

15 Oct – DAY 91
I took 5htp yesterday n it was good I had a few hours of sleep but woke up wet with ooze and sweat sigh. I had to change 2 tops thru the night. My arm pits r also very sore - swollen lymph nodes and oozing n sweating ughh. Think it's a flare? I dunno I really had no break from all this torture but at one point my
skin was dry n not oozing lots so... Sigh.


16 Oct – DAY 92
Just got back from Roots of Empathy prog with my bub. The kids loved baby it's so nice to see that but baby wasn't too excited just very curious n looking around lol. They completely molested baby puhahaha. Anyways I told the kids and prog facilitator before hand about my TSW and they were very understanding and respectful. At the end of the session the prog facilitator actually asked if he can pray for me. I was so touched I said yes. And I nearly cried as he was praying. How sweet and caring. Thank you so much for your prayer and blessing! Later I went to the drs to get my monthly vaccine. The nurse there (a diff one from last time but I really like this nurse the best in general) she was very concerned about me, haha, she asked if my GP had seen me like this n if he gave me antibiotics. I explained a bit about TSW but she seemed a bit 'hmmm ok' about it, haha, I then said its hard for drs n others to believe in the TSW cos really no one can help in terms of speeding up recovery only time will and drs n medical ppl find it just hard to believe. Oh I just can't fucken wait to show her before n after photos. When my face is all pretty I will just pay for a consultation and talk about TSW and persuade them to believe TSW and me!! I'm am the living proof by then!


18 Oct – DAY 94
I gave baby to mum yesterday for a day and went out with my cuz Kat to the Chinese herbalist and to her Buddhist org to chant. We also had Malaysian lunch in between. It was windy and cold and my face hurt but
it was nice to be out. I was very tired tho. I didn't even have time to nap in the afternoon as I has washing to do and medicine to boil. Sigh. And insomnia again last night. Night sweats  again. Aiiiii

Trying to stay positive….



Legs ok. Thighs starting to flare a bit more not much redness. Kinda comes and goes. Arms have actually turned worse from sweat rashes and it actually looks like my chest now. I just cbf taking a photo sorry.




19 Oct – DAY 95
Oh I have such a Bodhisattva cousin - Kat. She came to help me clean my house yesterday! She cleaned my kitchen n reorganised my pantry! I'm so lucky to have her in my life! She really understands what I'm going thru n helps. Man, cleaning... Only my mum would do this kind of stuff what kind of family/friend would help like this? I'm so so so lucky! They other day we went to her org to chant. She wrote a letter to her leader in Japan and asked him to chant for me. As she was writing her letter I started weeping and thinking: I must heal for these people who love me so much. I must give my love back to them deeply. I have also decided to contact the media when I'm healed or nearly healed to get them to interview me about my condition and
spread the word about TSW. I hope I can do some positive causes like this. I wanted to do it when i’m nearly healed as  I will be showing the the proof by then. I feel like going to the media now doesn’t provide much evidence as i know a lot are still sceptical about the full healing of ‘not doing anything’ during TSW. Got a heavy headache. Think it's lack of sleep. Took 2 (natural) sleeping pills last night so maybe why? Hmmm. Skin is ok not weeping as much but still itchy n face is all dry with bloody scabs healing up
I just have to be careful not to wound it again. I'm feeling ok today I had breakfast with my family n feeling tired but positive n ok about staying in lounge n not just wanting to stay in bed all day type. Maybe it's the 5htp I've taken. So maybe I actually need a higher dosage like 2 pills I took last night. See how again tonight.


22 Oct – DAY 98
Ok same shit happening. I dunno if I’ll start to ooze all over again. God so sick of this. But I gotta get through it!!! FUCK YOU TSW u will not WIN!!!! But there is some new skin coming up on my face like around me  nose and side of jaw and chin. So it's sloooooooooowly getting there i guess......



Sorry guys, not the best ‘positive’ post from me. As you can see it’s been pretty rough for me and i am in ‘can’t be fucked’ mode. I'm trying hard to stay positive. I’m gonna do some cleaning around the house to get myself distracted and feel better afterwards. Hope I don’t sweat like crazy.

Hope all is doing good! I’m hearing positive stories out there keep going TSW warriors!!! xxx