font at size 48 drafting this
feel like such a oldie. even my mum doesn’t need such big text to see!
thinking back it was after I gave birth to my first boy in 2011 and started to notice why can’t I read close up?! ok there’s something wrong. some say they get bad vision after pregnancy so I thought ‘oh ok, that must be normal and correct itself’ but I still went to see a ophthalmologist to get some spectacles but after the examination, they diagnose me with posterior subcapsular cataract in my left eye. shocked, and they were too, as I was young to develop cataract and then the ophthalmologist said it was due to the steroids I have used over the years. he said it I didn’t realise I had bad vision all this time because I was so used to using my right eye only already. I didn’t need any spectacles and he advised to do cataract surgery when I am older. I didn’t understand why I thought maybe it was cos cataract surgery can only be done once in a life time or maybe it wasn’t thick enough then.

so since TSW my cataract has gone worse. to the point where I only see white light now and nothing at all in my left eye. I went to see another ophthalmologist just before Christmas last year and found out that my right eye has moderate cataract too. my left eye had sever cataract. sigh. ok surgery for both eyes then it was.
these days has been extra difficult going through TSW and doing things with one blurry eye. spilling formula and hot water when making milk for my babies. driving with one eye (yes I’m bloody crazy, but it wasn’t that bad…), cooking in lights even tho it’s daytime, using super large fonts on phone and computer, doing chores, washing dishes and not washing them properly… FML sigh

vision is so important. it's really pathetic how i would only truly appreciate my health when i have lost my vision and health temporarily. i can't imagine how it would be if i was blind. even being blind now with one eye is so hard and it's so uncomfortable at the moment. it's like u have milk in ur eyes and i only see white light. i keep blinking to try and get clear vision but it doesn't work and i strain my eyes open with the "good eye" (the one with moderate cataract) to see things. it's so tiring trying to work out what i see. the vision of my "good eye" are like seeing things in a glowy light now like lovey dovey movie scenes. guess that's the nice way to put it haha

can't imagine those who are actually blind and only see black in their life. salute to u all and admire ur strength to continue to live each day positively bringing in colours in your life.

losing my vision and health temporarily has struck deep realisation in how i shouldn't take everything forgranted when i wake up everyday.
accidents, sickness, death, starvation, you name it, the list goes on, happens everyday, every second around the world. i should be grateful i can wake up and see the world. i should be grateful i have a bed to sleep in the first place. there are so much people out there who are just trying to survive each day being disabled or chronically ill. so if i am more fortunate than others why should i complain and make use of my life and why not help others when i can? next time when people ask me to help i will do it straight away, why think about it? it may mean the world to them with me helping out. and if it was not genuine, oh wells, bad karma for u later, at least i created good karma. right?

being so ill this time has gifted me a sense of appreciation for everything.
my family, my friends, the things i have in my life. after i recover my vision, i hope i can spend more time with my parents as they are aging so fast, i hope i can capture the most memories of my children's childhood as they grow up very fast too. i hope i can go outdoors more to enjoy the nature. i hope i can stay active and healthy to continue my research career. i hope i can support my husband to finish off his dreams. i hope i can teach my kids to be a good person and be happy and follow their dreams.

on the other side it has also made me see with one eye who looks me down, who despise of me and doesn't believe and support me.
but i thank these people as you all have given me the fire to burn my motivation in life and to prove to you that you are all wrong. whether it was thinking i'm stupid about this whole TSW business or thinking
I can't finish off my thesis or i should moisturise or else "i will never have skin like a women again" (yes quotation marks that person actually used those words). the lack of empathy i got from some ppl really made me realise that at the end of the day, i am the only one striving through this journey. yes i have a lot of supporters out there who truly care about me but who's in pain? me. no one can share or take away my pain, i have to endure it myself at the end of the day. i have to deal with it myself. not u. ME.
so i have to believe in myself. i need to have faith in the things i do. i need to care about myself. i have to love myself.


WOW i can seeee now! I can seee so clearly it's so weird actually. I can see so much dust and dead skin in my house argghhh!! The cataract surgery for me left eye went well. thank you for those who sent their prayers and thoughts to me

I have my right eye cataract booked coming Wednesday! I am so lucky to have my vision back for my left eye, it’s recovering well and lucky I can have it next Wednesday so soon. the dr is actually going away on holiday so luckily he could squeeze me in! so grateful for that as I just want to have full vision back and work on my thesis again it’s due very soon in June. My babies are at daycare full time on Monday but I am very happy seeing them have fun, growing and learning each day there. So I have a few days to rest, clean the house, tidy up my work station etc before surgery.

Man it’s like I’ve swapped eyes now. before I was seeing things through my “good right eye” (moderate cataract) and now that I have HD vision in my left eye, I now know how blurry my right eye is! how the fuck did I do things in a blur all the time? omg, thinking back driving like that was so scary…

TSW side, I'm in MONTH 6 now. things were good for awhile, just after Xmas and New Years period. I was wearing shorts and t-shirts for awhile and suddenly a few days ago I started to flare. prettty bad red rashy ones at the back of my elbows and knees mainly. chest is a lil rashy too but not that red. so I have reverted back to long pants and sleeves now lucky it’s not as hot now as the Auckland weather has been playing up and raining quite a bit lately.  I'm not sure if it’s related to my severe sinusitis lately. it’s very bad, very itchy sinuses been slapping my face, forehead, bridge of nose again it’s crazy. got headaches from the inflamed sinuses too and thick yellow mucus! my asthma has been playing up too been using inhaler every night lately my baby’s skin has also developed some rough patches, he’s not allergic to any food so I think it might be the pollens and dust in the air lately. hmm… dunno. anyway, it’s annoying!

I have hair growing back! it’s soooooo ugly I dunno what to do with it hahaha… I was saying to my sister and husband if I see those campaigns where u shave off all ur hair to support leukemia and cancer patients I might go and just bloody shave off all my hair!! see the photo below I’ve circled my hair growing back spots. this time round of TSW I didn’t lose my eyelashes. last time I did and I was very upset about that haha but this time it’s more ‘out there’ with my bald patches on my head and no eyebrows….sigh… but whatever mehhh! I actually felt sorry for the surgeon and nurses to see me like this and as they had to be extra careful to not hurt my facial skin with plasters etc they were so professional in handling me on the day of the operation. very friendly, only the surgeon asked about my skin condition (initial consultation time) and the local anesthetics on the day.

photos taken on 15th Jan 2015 on the day of my cataract surgery (before surgery):


home after surgery:


Next day after surgery, face looking better with more dead skin coming off:


Arms flaring:


Day out with family (Day 187):


Flaring legs, arms and hands. OMFG now I can see clearly how wrinkly my hands are!     


That’s me today! Day before my next cataract surgery for right eye tmr! Cheeks red because I have been scratching it


That’s it for now guys, take care and stay strong as always lots of love to u all!!!
xxx